Jada Pinkett-Smith made the word “entaglement” a hot topic and a source of humor a year ago.
For everyone who may be out of the entertainment loop, R&B singer August Alsina admitted that he and actress Jada Pinkett-Smith, wife of actor Will Smith, had a relationship.
Jada responded on her talk show Red Table Talk that she and August had an entanglement while she and Will were separated. When she said that word, I was like what the heck is she talking about? I had to look it up.
Dictionary.com defines entanglement as this: a complicated or compromising relationship or situation.
How many of us are currently in an entanglement and don’t want to admit it?
Jada was kind of forced to respond after August broke the news because that’s what celebrities do to maintain their credibility and image, right?
She owes us no apology, but she acknowledged what it was and why it happened. She said she was hurting and just wanted to feel good. But many of us are in complicated relationships and are too scared to talk about it because it’ll ruin our image.
Whether we’re married, dating, or in “life partnerships” – what Jada and Will call their relationship, entanglements are more real and more personal than we’re willing to admit.
There’s no map or rule book on how to be married or how to be someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s no perfect person or relationship, so why do we feel the need to hide when things aren’t perfect? We’ll never achieve perfection at anything in life!
Where does the shame, defeat and ideas of maintaining the image of a perfect relationship come from?
Why do we go along with it?
Why can’t we talk about when we have lapses in judgement?
Why can’t we talk about the hurt we harbor and how it effects our relationships and decision making?
There are plenty of married people who sleep in separate beds, live in separate homes, haven’t had sex in months, only talk to each other in public, secretly hate each other, and are having affairs.
Yes, we mess up. We’re human.
Yes, we have arguments.
Yes, we sometimes do petty things to annoy each other.
Yes, we’ve had moments when we wanted to walk away. But tell me how many relationships don’t experience some of these things?
Entanglements can be dysfunctional. I’m not condoning dysfunction, but I am an advocate for acknowledging when it’s present, finding a solution for it, and not being afraid to tell others about it so they can learn too.
Some of us have become accustomed to some level of dysfunction and feel we don’t know how to live without it. Or we’re so used to it that we don’t recognize it as dysfunction.
I’ve been married for 21 years. I got married at 19. I was in an entanglement with my husband for years. Neither one of us had affairs. I just didn’t like him for several years and I had mentally checked out of our marriage. I never told him any of that though. I just acted really nasty towards him, hoping he’d leave!
What made my relationship complicated for so many years? I was unhappy with myself, so I projected my anger on the closest person to me: my husband.
I wanted his life to be hell because I wanted him to feel like he was responsible for my happiness. I can laugh and talk about it now because I don’t hide behind the fake image of perfection. I can share with others because it’s the truth and the truth shall set you free.
I’ve learned many valuable lessons from my entanglement. I encourage everyone else to talk about theirs. Just make sure the conversation happens first with the people who matter most: your husband or wife, or your girlfriend or boyfriend. And don’t be afraid to seek the help of a professional counselor.
Entanglements can get ugly, they leave some deep wounds, but healing and achieving resolution begins with communication.
Jim Carey once said, “The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.”
No matter what type of relationship you’re in, be intentional about being honest, openly communicate, and create a relationship of effectiveness and value. |THIS.
[By Keisha Crawford]
