Bob Hoffman is all about art, heart, and community. As the Public Relations Manager for Wharton Center for Performing Arts, one of the top theater venues in the nation, he regularly brings diverse audiences together in East Lansing, MI to laugh, cry, and stand united in their enjoyment.
Along with being an exceptional speaker and media personality, Bob’s also the founder of ePIFanyNow.org, an organization dedicated to changing lives through acts of kindness.
Bob Hoffman took time out his busy schedule to answer our “2020 Twenty Questions” questionnaire! We hope THIS INTERVIEW entertains and inspires you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you to be alive?
I get up every morning grateful for another opportunity to enjoy life and make a difference. I am beyond grateful to be alive. It is an amazing gift that I try never to forget. I am a 10 on the scale.
As a child what did you want to be when you grew up?
I dreamed of being a reporter or anchor. We spent a lot of time with my grandparents and when the news came on every night at 6PM, I was instructed to be quiet, sit down and watch.
Grandpa would always discuss what was going on and I was fascinated with his thoughts. He was intelligent but had no higher degree than a high school diploma.
I was born with a strong curiosity. I have always asked why, and I continue to do so. If I don’t understand I ask questions. I’ve learned life is difficult, it’s rough, it will beat you up and spit you out. Get up, make a difference, learn. My life motto is Live, Love, Learn, Laugh, Let go, Repeat!
What was your favorite cartoon?
My favorite cartoon was Bugs Bunny and Super Friends. I always wanted to have superpowers.
Tell us your favorite song as a kid, as a teenager, and now as an adult.
I grew up listening to the Carpenters. They were my mom’s favorite group, so I naturally loved them too. I still listen to their music.
As a teenager I was a huge Duran Duran fan and still love their music. When I listen to them it takes me back to being young and carefree.
As an adult I am a huge Indigo Girls fan. My favorite song ever is “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls. The lyrics are very powerful to me. The words remind me that life is precious, but not perfect. We are consistently growing and learning. Just when we think we know something life changes and we learn [something] new. I love that! It feeds my curiosity.
“I’m tryin’ to tell you somethin’ ’bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It’s only life after all, yeah
Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety ’til I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores
And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine, yeah
The closer I am to fine, yeah”
What’s an album that means more to you now than it did when you first heard it?
I don’t know. I don’t have a favorite album. I like music that tells a story.
What are your 3 favorite movies?
St. Elmo’s Fire, The Birdcage, and E.T. Those are three I can think of right now. I can’t ever remember movies. I like so many.
What’s the last film that made you cry or almost cry, and what scene did it?
I cried a lot when I watched Harriet. It affected me. She was so strong and determined and is a hero of mine. So many emotions came to the forefront when watching it. I cried a lot.
What’s your all-time favorite TV show?
Will and Grace. It makes me laugh, even when I’ve watched the episodes many times.
Which character on that show do you identify with most?
I like the show because I’m a little piece of every character.
I’m Jack because he is goofy and in his own world.
I am Will because he is smart, funny, and successful.
I am Karen because she is hilarious and so self-centered.
I am Grace because she is flighty and in her own world.
What makes you laugh out loud or smile uncontrollably every time you see it or hear it?
I love character comedians. Robin Williams continues to make me laugh!
I don’t like comedians that tease or swear for no reason! That is one thing I can’t stand. I don’t ever tease.
Who in your family served you the most delicious, unforgettable dish you’ve ever eaten?
My husband Michael is an amazing cook. He continues to wow me with his meals. His pasta sauce is the best I’ve ever eaten. His chicken soup is incredible. His pea soup is incredible. I’m very lucky.
Tell us the most nutritious thing you’ve fed your mind.
I have two things that come to mind. The first is a poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar called “We Wear The Mask”. I had to memorize it in ninth grade and I’ve never forgotten it. For years, before I came out of the closet, I wore a mask. And yet, I think we all wear a mask in one way or another.
“We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!”
The other is a poem by Virginia Satir called “I am Me”.
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
When did you start to understand your value?
I was 21 and came to terms with the fact I am gay. I decided I was going to commit suicide. I figured that if anyone found out I would be hated. I decided to tell one friend. She hugged me and said, “I love you anyway. It doesn’t matter to me.”
When she left, I lay on my bed crying. I thought I would still do it because I was so ashamed and lonely. I thought I was the only gay man in the world. Then, I looked up and read Viginia Satir’s poem that I had framed on my bedroom wall. It saved my life. It taught me I have value.
Who is the G.O.A.T. of your profession?
I have so many role models. I don’t have one that stands out. There are qualities about each of them I like. Everyone has something to teach and I love to learn from everyone.
Do you aspire to be like them or more like someone you have a stronger personal connection to?
I never want to be anything other than me. It’s human to think those horrible thoughts that you should be more like someone else. In my experience that always gets you in trouble. Be authentically you, always. I remind myself of this a lot.
Recall for us the first time you failed. What lesson did you learn from that?
I can’t recall. I continue to fail at things. But I believe there is no such thing as failing unless you just totally give up. You get knocked down, you get up and do it again. Keep learning!
In what way have you evolved over the last 12 months?
Each day is a new experience to grow and learn. COVID has changed our lives. The civil unrest taking place in our country is giving me new perspective. I am a White man with blue eyes. I realize how many more opportunities I have had and continue to have based on my skin color. It saddens me to know others don’t have the opportunities I have. I cry a lot lately. I sometimes feel like I don’t know what to do, even though I want to do something.
When was a time that someone you didn’t know did something nice for you? What did they do?
I just received a text from a friend that said, “I wanted you to know how much I appreciate you. Your calls each morning are such a great way to start my days. Love you my friend.”
Sylvia is in her late 70’s but she has had such a big impact on my life. She is so much fun. She always is curious and wants to experience new things.
How would you explain to someone the importance of valuing their time?
I think that is something we must all learn on our own. Time is valuable. I have an exercise I often do. I envision myself as a 95-year-old man with the power to be able to go back in time. If I am facing a big decision or I’m just pissed off about something, I pretend I’m 95.
I envision being in bed, too old and weak to do anything. I concentrate on what that feels like for a while. Then, I decide to go back to my current life. Things don’t seem so bad. I also think, “Wow, I have so much time to make a difference.”
What’s been the biggest blessing of your life?
Life is a blessing. I am incredibly blessed. I have amazing parents, an incredible husband, and friends. I am beyond blessed. I am not religious, but more spiritual. Thanks be to God for this amazing opportunity. And as Ru Paul says, “Don’t fuck it up.”
I try not to. |THIS.
[By Mr. Joe Walker and Alex aka Grand Kai]
